So many words, so little time....

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I have a Rent-a-Zilla and it's all MINE!

We had SakuraCon here in Seattle last weekend. I was a little put out by that. Because I had planned to go but thanks to a guy here at work who was trying to develop a sense of humor I couldn't. He really sucks at it. He scheduled a huge project to go live on April 1st. Yep. That's as good as it gets, folks.

I was at youth group, fighting with the bloody projector and kind of bumming because a bunch of the girls were bragging and planning their assault on the place. One of them noticed and asked me what character I would want on a sketch if I got to go. I was touched, and a little flabberghasted. Looking down at my TPCD t-shirt, I pulled "Rent-a-Zilla" off the top of my head. They all giggled, and said they should have known.

Came back with all sorts of stories. You can always tell who's been to one of these things; Pocky-scented breath is a dead giveaway. They had a great time. I can't imagine the guys who were there did, though. Some mental midget scheduled Fred Gallagher to sign autographs for SIX HOURS straight. The poor guy was a trooper, but come on gang.

But for me that's not the best part. Sunday, the flock tracked me down in the hallway and present me with an envelope. I open it up, and it's a signed sketch of Rent-a-Zilla, just for me. I was totally floored. I never would have expected it. They stood in that insane line twice to get it. She's said it was for "a friend". I think that touched me even more.

Thanks guys. I really needed that. And thanks Fred, for not thinking she'd lost her mind and helping those girls totally make my day for at least the next month. I've got it framed and sitting on my desk right now and I've already sent it out after a customer I have to deal with already this morning.

Must remember to add "pork-rinds" as a budget line-item. This is going to start costing me, I fear. ;)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Pollyanna's Teaparty....

The Easter Bunny is on his way, but it's coming in an odd direction this year. Several of my friends have kids who are of a certain age. That age where the world finally rubs enough of it's grime into their eyes that they start to loose their belief in magic. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and several other mythical figures have been set up and then knocked down. They've lost something, and the parents feel like they have, too.

I deal with a lot of teenagers, too. Between my four and the roving bands of their friends I see and hear a lot of what's going on in their lives. A lot of them have lost any belief in anything at all - God, parents, the world in general. It's part and parcel of the growing process, I guess, but it also seems so much harder than it should be.

Seems like these days people have lost the ability to believe. With the certainties of death and taxes and all the dour solidities, if you can't measure with a yardstick or whack them with a mallet they can't or won't cope. Even faith itself is now measured by how much of it can be proven in real life. I find it kind of funny. To me "Intelligent Design" and "faith" are just about as much of an oxymoron as "military" and "intelligence". If you believe in the Creation as laid out in Genesis, then why the heck do you base your philosophy on about what can be concretely proven in this world? I'm sure God's up there wondering where he can find a mustard seed or two.

There are things in this world that need to be believed in. Facts have absolutely nothing to do with them.
  • I believe that there is good in everybody. That's Ehv-reee-bohd-eeeee.

  • I believe that justice can and will prevail. Maybe not right now, but it will one day.

  • I believe that things can really suck, and sometimes there doesn't seem to be much to fix them. But if you don't try, they damned skippy for sure won't get fixed.

  • I believe that might does not make right, and neither do lies or evasion.

  • I believe that hard work really does help.

  • I believe that sunlight cleanses more than dirty linens.

  • I believe that one person really can make a difference on both the big and the small scales.

  • I believe beauty exists in this world, on both the big and small scales.

  • I believe that being child-like is a goal, not something to run from.

It helps in the real world. With this in mind, cubicle walls do not a prison make. Bad coffee can be improved by a good line in the funny papers someone hung up on the cork-board in the breakroom. Believing babies do really smile even when all convention wisdom says it's just gas makes changing them after the rest of the process takes it's course a bit less daunting. I believe that muddy footprints all over your freshly cleaned carpet can be improved dramatically by an enthusiastic telling of the really cool maneuver that caused them. And being able to enjoy catching your kids playing some tough street-savvy car racing game to the soundtrack of the movie "Curious George" is a necessary part of living gracefully here in Hormone Hall.

There are figures to the contrary on all these counts if you look at it through the hard cold lens of fact. The preponderance of evidence is clearly against me. And I loose track of this, sometimes. But I don't care. I will hold onto it when I can. The alternative is watching my soul being sucked into the world's wood-chipper one day's worth at a time.

Sometimes when people hear about how my life works, they say something like, "I don't know how you do it." Well, this is it. If you stack enough little pieces of good together, it can add up. Some days it's just sand-sized bits. But enough of those can derail the most determined bad day if you apply them in the right spot.

Give it a try. You might be surprised. Pollyanna and I have a lovely tea planned for tomorrow under the blooming cherry trees by my drive. We'll be there rain or shine. And if the world is a little too with you, maybe you could come hold down a corner of the blanket and have a cuppa in your mind.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Hollywood Squares...

Those of us old enough to remember the original Hollywood Squares
Game will appreciate these. These are from the old Hollywood
Squares show in the 70's when responses were truly spontaneous.


Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark

Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Dear Dribbling Little Junkmonkey....

Yes, I mean you. The foul mouthed heathen who skews the typographical heirarchy of the English language due to the high incidence of usage of the letter "F".

I know you got a sniper round right where the sun don't shine. That doesn't mean you need to discuss the procreative habits of several sorts of small mammals that loudly for the rest of the game. If you don't want her to do that again, next time you're driving the Warthog please remember that "clearance" isn't just for secret agents. Yes it's an ATV but it's still captive to the laws of physics. That way when you drive up the hill you might actually avoid the 4' high boulders strewn about by the game to make that more interesting and not get yourself high-centered like that. Once you do that, you're sniper-bait.

If you decide for whatever reason to do this again, I recommend that you LEAVE THE WARTHOG. You might be able to flip it off the rock. If you sit there with your thumb in your ear like you did this time you're liable to get caught in the crossfire between two Ghosts who are merrily trying to knock each other out of the sky. This is also unhealthy. When you get hit, your discussion about the sexual habits and probable skin color of the pilots is not going to help you respawn any faster.

The Nazi B$&@() Driving the Ghost Who Turned off Voice Chat and Gave You That Negative Feedback

P.S. We're playing in the Recreation Zone. That means we're all supposed to keep it clean and not get quite so up tight about it. If you want heavy competition hit the Professional Zone, you mouthbreathing smacktard. Of course, that would also mean you should have some skills. So either zip your filthy howling screamer or learn to hit the broad side of a barn from the inside. Your choice.